At the burger shot there was a Japanese woman who punched me and knocked me out and had me… she had me admitted into the hospital due to a cracked jaw and I was, like, delirious for a few days.
The weirdest thing happened – Tinkerbelle and Captain Hook drove me to the hospital and I was waving my hands kind of like this (gestures erratically) as if I was Peter Pan. And flying.
Well, honestly, it all started when my mom went missing on my tenth birthday. The police suspected foul play but I think she just left, to be completely honest with you. My father wouldn’t talk to me for the next five years and he would put me to work in landscaping and to work on motorized vehicles.
At home, he would lock me into my room and he would only give me one bathroom break per night, so I had to have a corner for my fecal matter and a bucket for my piss.
Then, a boy by the name of Daniel Whitney came along, and he nearly beat me half to death. My father did nothing about it as he sat there and drank a beer – and as I lay there lifeless, barely conscious, my father said “Get up. It’s time to get back to work.” And from then on, I knew what I had to do. I had to leave.
I’m here to make a statement that us boomers can still hang in society. And we can be hip – AND cool.